forever
by this little heart of mine
Summary: He couldn't make up his mind and, well, she just got tired of waiting around for him. \\one-shot\\


_Eight years, two months and thirteen days._

That's how long ago it was since he last saw her.

He knows she doesn't want to see him; chat requests and millions of calls and texts that went unanswered were pretty much clear of that. Not to mention that she left without as much as a goodbye. She eventually changed her number and her e-mail and blocked him on every social media she has.

He never figured out why.

Or maybe he does know and he just likes to pretend that he doesn't. Just like how he does when he thinks of why he didn't try finding and going to her. He feigns anger― the only logical reason he could think of― because it's better than his gut feeling. Wasn't he of much importance that she couldn't even give the slightest hint of leaving?

_Sam's always been complex, for all you know she could just be blocking you out because she thinks you're a nub._

But she isn't complex to him. Not since that month they "coupled up." But past is past and who knows how much she's changed. He could only know so much.

Or, well, Carly could only inform him so much.

He knows that she doesn't know that Carly fills him in about what's happening in her life. She would be livid if she found out.

He knows what she's been up to these last few years. She had asked Carly to move in and help her and her roommate-slash-business partner. Their babysitting business has been nothing short of successful. He's come across their site and their business was featured on tv before.

She's still as beautiful as he remembers her. Same blue eyes, same infectious smile. If only he knew what made that change back here.

She doesn't even go to Seattle anymore.

Carly had told him that she'd gone to some culinary course in LA. She tells him that it's where the best culinary course was offered but they both know that it isn't the reason she's in LA.

Even Carly doesn't know.

He asked her about it the first time she'd called him to tell him about moving in with Sam and she'd been shell-shocked that Sam didn't bother telling anyone or kept in contact for that matter. He knows Carly's been badgering her about it but the constant interrogation falls on deaf ears.

A knock on his mother's apartment door― where he's staying at for Carly's twenty-fifth birthday to which she painstakingly insisted on celebrating― breaks him out of his thoughts.

_Funny_, he thinks, even when she's gone she still invades his mind.

He heads on over to Spencer's apartment where a few of Carly's high school and college friends have already arrived. He approaches Gibby and stands behind the counter. Several minutes pass when Carly audibly gasps, shrieking _oh my god you're finally here!_

And suddenly she's here.

Eight years, two months and thirteen days and she still looks amazing.

He feels like lying down because he isn't sure if he's just seeing things. He doesn't want to believe that she's here because he might wake up again and he would be angry again. He tries to remember the last time he's seen her or heard from her but he can't seem to remember. Now that he thinks about it, maybe she did come home but had cleverly avoided him.

She _did_ always want to be an invisible ninja.

He regains his senses and moves over to hug her but stops when a guy enters and puts his arm around her.

"Jack!"

Carly hugs the guy and moves over to Freddie, pulling Sam with her. Carly hugs the both of them a little too tight and Sam has to pry herself off a few seconds later. He almost scoffs at Carly's melodramatic _I've missed you's_ and _I'm so happy we're all here again_.

Sam and Freddie look at each other and a palpable silence occurs. Finally, Freddie clears his throat and says a hello to her. Sam only replies an awkward hello.

Another awkward silence occurs and Carly, sensing the tension, decides to step in, telling everyone to get back to partying. The music starts back up and the silence lapses into a more comfortable kind. Carly asks Sam to introduce Jack who had his arm around Sam.

"Jack, Freddie. Freddie, Jack, my boyfriend."

_Oh._

Freddie plasters on a smile and shakes Jack's hand. He asks about how long they've been together and _four oh-so-lovely years_ and he's a little surprised because Sam's always told him that she never saw herself in a long-term relationship. He remembers so vividly about that night and how he'd told her that maybe he could change that.

He jokes about Sam threatening Jack or if Jack had blackmailed her and Jack laughs and tells him the tale of how she tried to break things off with him but he wouldn't let her walk away.

It's like a painful stab in the chest― _what kind of stab doesn't hurt anyway?_― and he thinks he hears a hint of bragging in Jack's voice, mocking him.

_She tried to walk away from you too and what did you do? _

Freddie excuses himself and goes to the kitchen. All he sees is her wrapped in his arms the entire night.

* * *

The party dwindles down until every guest has left. Sam and Jack are sitting on the couch talking in hushed voices while Carly and Freddie talk about their respective colleges. Suddenly, Sam groans and walks over to them.

She's talking about some news and how she didn't want to upstage Carly on her birthday and Carly and Freddie exchange confused glances before Sam pulls out her hand from her pocket and wiggles her fingers.

He feels like all the air's being sucked out of him while he watches Carly hug the couple before dragging Sam to her old room squawking about details and proposals and wedding plans.

Jack and Freddie look up the stairs until they hear Carly's door slam. _Girls_, they both say and they sit down as Freddie asks when the big day is. Jack tells him that it's at the end of the year or early next year; something about Sam and snow.

He bites the sarcastic remark coming; he knew that Sam always loved snow because her dad used to always play with her and Melanie when it snowed.

Freddie suddenly looks up from his phone when Jack asks what happened between her and Sam. He feigns confusion and Jack chuckles, saying he knew they got together and _come on, Freddie, just between us bros_.

Apparently he was an iCarly fan and he's watched their little episode a little over nine years ago. Jack then proceeds to tell him about some fight they had about him asking about their relationship and Sam refusing to tell him.

_Figures_, Freddie thinks.

Freddie then tells him about their short-lived relationship and how they had never breached their relationship again; choosing to return to norms because Sam wanted to salvage her reputation. Jack tells him about how many times he'd chickened out before asking her out and Freddie tells him about how every guy was scared to ask her out for fear of getting buttersocked.

They talk about some other things until Sam stomps down the stairs threatening to rip off Carly's tonsil if she doesn't stop squealing. Sam hurries to leave before Carly catches on to her escape and a goodnight is all she says before she's out the door.

Only when he's lying in bed does he realize that Sam had once again cleverly avoided her the entire night.

* * *

The next few months were a blur as wedding preparations go by; of course with Carly as the wedding planner, everything was according to schedule. Before they know it, only a few days were left before the wedding. In the short time they have known each other, Freddie and Jack had become close friends. He realized that Sam rarely mentioned him for even Jack was surprised about how similar they were.

Freddie was offered the best man to which he gravely refused. He thinks it's because it's another promise he's breaking and he's somewhat afraid that the guilt would eat him alive. He settles on being a groomsman and Jack's best friend who couldn't come due to other commitments changed his mind and was given the role of best man.

At last the wedding day has arrived and he's surprised to see her eating on the counter when he goes to Carly's apartment early morning to pick up his tux. He asks her what she's doing here and she tells him about Carly's superstitions and how it's bad luck to see each other on your wedding day.

Carly comes down seconds later and a wild chase occurs when Carly screams for Sam not to eat bacon today and Sam makes a run for it, clutching her bacon.

She eventually finishes her bacon and Carly is badgering her again to take a shower and Sam argues that the ceremony starts in four hours. Carly then starts reprimanding her about how it's her big day and it's a special day and it takes lots of time to look wedding perfect.

Sam eventually trudges upstairs and Carly flops down on the couch. She then only notices Freddie looking at her amusedly. She glares at him and he shakes his head, muttering, _some things never change_.

He moves to the door after Carly hands him the tux but she stops him, asking him to stay. He starts telling her that it's a girl thing and he's sure that Sam would be fine without him but then she starts ranting about being there for best friends and _don't you want to be here with Sam before she gets married? _and she's playing the puppy eyes and please for me (err... Sam) card― _how the hell does she do that_?― and he sighs before conceding.

* * *

He watches in the far corner of Carly's room as she spins in her wedding gown. He wants to tell her she's beautiful, the most beautiful he'd seen her, but doesn't; a dull ache starts to engulf him because he's pictured this scene before but not like this. He decides to leave the room when Carly starts crying the third time and starts preparing.

They haven't finished when he comes back a half hour later but he decides to stay in the living room. Spencer soon arrives, announcing that the limo has arrived. They all help Sam into the elevator and limo, Spencer and Freddie behind them.

* * *

He stands up as the organ begins to play; he turns around and almost wished he didn't. Sam, ―who will be given away by Spencer― illuminated by the stained glass behind her, looks so angelic and Freddie wants to laugh at the irony of it. He catches her eye towards as she gets nearer the altar and smiles at him, he smiles back but he isn't sure if it looks that way.

He's mind is somewhere else for almost the rest of the ceremony, only coming back when they say their _I do's_.

_Should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace_.

He almost stands up, luckily holding himself when he sees her looking directly at him like she's some sort of mind reader. The priest continues and says _you may now kiss the bride_.

He's gone before they walk off the altar.

* * *

He's always hated receptions. How families on both sides come together and gossip and boast about each other and friends who only come for the food. He hates it even more for their resemblance to the countless school dances he's been to.

Maybe he just hates it because he's always been alone in them.

He's sitting by the food table watching as Jack twirls her around. He isn't really sure what he's still doing here because honestly, he just wants to go back to Boston and back to his work at the Pear Company.

_And maybe back to nine years ago._

A sudden wave of courage overcomes him and he walks over to the newlyweds and taps Jack's shoulder. Jack nods and moves away, going over to talk to his family. Sam smiles at him as he takes a step towards her. A new song plays and they sway slowly in time to it.

He says she looks beautiful and she looks away to hide her blush. She tells him that he's only saying that because she's the bride. He jokingly agrees and they laugh for a few seconds before he becomes serious again and tells her that he'd always thought she'd be a beautiful bride. Her head whips to look at him and he realizes what he'd said implies. He smoothly saves himself and reasons that nobody can deny how beautiful she really; she can only blush at him.

She teases him and tells him that if she didn't know any better he's feeding her all these compliments to steal her away. He just laughs silently and twirls her. She's looking at him differently when she comes back and he's isn't quite sure of what he's seeing in her eyes.

The heavy feeling in his chest comes back and he's hit with a wave of realization of what has bothered him these past few months.

He's lost her.

He's truly and permanently lost her and all the lost possibilities and wasted chances slap him in the face. It's all too much and not enough because he's holding her in this moment, on her wedding day, but never in the way he wanted to.

He wants to scream and kick and punch and just let it all out because he's finally made up his mind. Nine years and he just wants to shrivel up because he's just realizing how much he's still in love with her. The last few years flash through his mind and he curses himself because he spent all those time feeding himself lies that he had missed all the signs.

_I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner_.

He looks at her, really looks at her and she's smiling sadly because she knows. He almost laughs bitterly because he's never one to like being pitied on but then he feels guilty because she's saying everything she's bottled up for the last nine years in her eyes.

_I'm sorry I couldn't wait this long._

She'd made the first move then; the kiss that set a butterfly effect leading their so-called relationship and he should have known that Sam never does anything twice and he could almost hear him saying _come on, Frednub, I can't always be the one making something happen here_.

He also should have known that Sam had always been impatient and she just got tired of waiting around for him to decide if he really loves her or not.

Fate has never been on his side and all he could do is offer one last sad smile as the song ends. She walks away from him and he thinks life is playing a sick, sick joke on him because it's metaphorically her walking away from his life.

He knows that she won't make an appearance anytime soon. Not while he's still in love with her.

He bids goodbye to Carly who asks him why he's leaving so early and he just reasons that he's tired and he doesn't really have much to do there anymore.

Besides, it's a long drive home.

* * *

AN: Yeah, I kinda lost it there. I had a pretty good idea of how I wanted to write this but the last part just got away from me. I started writing this weeks ago and only found time to finish it today so... Anyways, I know I'm not really that skilled of a writer but whatever :D Be really cool if you reviewed and stuff.


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